The Award Winning: The Classic Dennis Schweiner Gay Jokes; By: Unknown (not gay) The Classical Schweiner Songs/Poems By: Unknown Author Who is Schweiner? Who knows? FIRST PRIZE: GAY SCHWEINER POEMS, REALLY, REALLY GAY, TOO GAY, JUST LIKE SCHWEINERS (They's a very stupid peoples too) SUPER GAY SCHWEINER LOOK, UP IN THE SKY... IT'S A PLANE, NO00 !!! IT'S A BIRD, NO00 !!! NO, IT'S SUPER GAY SCHWEINER !!! O YEA. WHO DURING THE DAY IS STILL GAY, BUT ALWAYS FIGHTS FOR AMERICAN GAY. HE WORKS AS A WILD MANNERED GAY PSYCHOLOGIST (who checks them out and approves their marriage licenses) AND PART TIME REPORTER FOR GAY INTERNATIONAL TRIBUNE, DURING THE NIGHT HE FIGHTS AN EVERENDING BATTLE FOR TRUTH, JUSTICE AND MORE RECRUITS FOR THE GAY LEAGUE OF AMERICA. HE IS VERY GAY AND ALWAYS FIGHTS FOR THE RIGHTS OF THE GAY. (VERY GAY TOO) UNDER THE KENT Everyone loves the gay king of the sea, Ever so kind shweiner gives him gently, Nobody does it as he. Homo tricks he will do, like giving it to Kent when he appears, And how he wants it so bad when he's near - in the rear! Ok, let's sing along... They call him Schweiner, Schweiner, faster in blowing than lightning, No-one you see, is gayer than he, And we know Schweiner, lives in a gayworld full of gaywonder, Staying there-under, under some Kent. -Schweiner wants Kent to go on but Kent gettts tired and go on he cant. Every fag loves the gay king of the fags, Ever so fagy and homo is he, Tricks he will do when Kents appear, And how he handles his loaded weapon when he's near - thru the rear! They call him Schweiner, Schweiner, faster than lightning, No-one you see, is gayer than he, And we know Schweiner, lives in a world full of gaywonder, Staying there-under, under some Kent. Schweiner wants Kent to go on but Kent gets tired and go on he cant. THE GAY BUNCH Here's the story of a lovely Schweiner, Dennis the Menace Kent... Who was banging three very lovely Kents. All of them had hair of gold, like their father Dents, (denis) The youngest one in curls. Here's the story, of a fag named Schweiner, Who was horny for three Kents of his own, They were four men, living butt naked all together, (aka roomies) Yet they were all alone. (in a gay shack) Till the one day when dennis schweiner met this fellow, And they knew it was much more than a hunch, hunch, That this group would somehow form a gay family. That's the way they all became the Gay Bunch. The Gay Bunch. That's the way they all became the Very Very Gay Bunch. (so we've heard, prooven too) Stri, stra, storu, stroa, stra, sra THE QUEER EYE FOR THE SCHWEINER GAY GUY MIRANDA RIGHTS: When Queer Schweiner gets arrested for molesting Kan his Man, his rights are read as follows: You have the right to remain gay, You gave up the right to be straight and can not go back. You must handle police police balls and polish the sack. Stri, stra, stro... You can not cry foul game, foul game... because... You must touch all the pieces, it fits the crime, You will enjoy doing your time. However during the handling of the balls, anything negative gay you say will and shall be used against you in the court of gay law. You have the right for a queer attorney, If you can not afford one, the Schweinerstan county will provide you with a cheap one instead, But you will have to perform more 'community service' by getting laid that is by being judge's maid, and then stop cheating on your man the Kan. Stri, stra, stro and that is the verdict. And so we've heard, so we know. (Or you can be the prison maid for many a Kent, for your 'community services' they wait not cant) THE GAY PINOCKENTIO Once upon a time there was a boy made of wood and his master was schweiner jepeto, and jepeto was a lonely fag and he needed some many fanny company, his fanny needed it at least... so once upon a time, schweriner denis jepeto built his doll named pinokento and it was BIG but still he did not give schweiner what he really, really wanted, so a fairy gaygodmother appeared and told him: A: JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, WHAT U REALLY, REALLY WANT, STRI, STRA, STRO... B: I WANT KAN MY MAN TO BE PINOCKENT, I CANT STAND ALONE, THAT'S WHAT I WANT, WHAT I REALLY, REALLY WANT, SO GIVE ME, SO GIVE, LITTLE BIT OF THAT AND THAT AND SOME MAGIC POWDER AND MAKE KENNY GROW AND GROW... SO, Lonely Dennis' wish came true, PinoKenny became a boy, a real man-boy. Now dennis was no longer lonely and he had companion to play with and they lived happily ever after and they never had to worry about lying to each other because when they did, it was not PinoKent's nose that was growing and schweiner really liked it, really, really liked it. SO THAT'S THE STORY OF SCHWEINER AND PINOKENNY AND THAT'S WHAT HE WANTED, WANTED, REALLY WANTED! STRI, STRA STRO... AND THEY WANT IT MORE TOO... TSK, STRI, STRA, STRO. (FAIRY GODMOTHER MAY GIVE HIM ANOTHER) THEY WERE A HAPPY TRIO ----------------------------------------------------- The Really, Really Gay Schweiner Jokes What to celebrate ? A: What does Schweiner family celebrate on Independ. Day ? B: Being free they are not straight anymore. But straight gay all the way & it does not matter if they may be more in May.... on any day. Independence and Skills Day Would you like to learn how Schweiner learned his "skills" ? Certain skills... There was one more year in the 20th century... It was Independence Day. It was a hot and moist day. Dennis' best friend visited Dennis' gay yellow house in Chicago. It was one of their last visits, they meat again in Decemeber for a computer match... Dennis was part sponsor, one of the few good deeds he did for his ex-pal or anybody (Except Kenny)... But what happened on that day, it's worth noting for gay posterity... When Dennis' friend came to pick up Dennis for a game of chess skills, he was surprised Dennis already had lots and lots of skills, that is back action piece movement and retrieval skills. Dennis' brother Andy Schweiner aka Handy Andy Ein Fuhrer was preparing fire crackers to surprise Dennis' guest, to scare him stiff. But what he did not notice was that he was becoming really, really stiff... When Andy was playing with the firecrackers he noticed certain firecrackers had pointed edges and it gave Andy an idea... So instead of scaring Dennis' guest, Andy got "excited" and could not wait for privacy of his home; he attached the firecracker on his 'little Andy' and he became handy and made some rear action on Dennis. Dennis welcomed the innovation. And Dennis did the same on Andy and from that day on, all Schweiners acquired new skills. It served them well. They practiced and worked diligently on their new idea. It's called 'Rock the Rocket Schweiner Action'. Patented too. If anybody wants to use it, it must be used it with permission. Royalties must be paid. They still use them every day or night (on each other or on a happy passing by Kent or on any Kent who answers their gay ads). They are considered one of the top pros in the business. It pays off to have good skills, not only when uncle Jack visits. But, it really gets wild when their uncle Jack visits and when he falls off the leather, it really gets exciting... stri, stra, stro... (They really love to play that game) Giving ? A: What's better than giving ? B: None, Dennis loves to give and receive. Redneck Schweiner Town The residents of a small redneck town urge the sheriff to arrest the local homboy homy... horny homosexual Denis. Seems he's been propositioning all the teenage Kents in town. The sheriff ditfully arrests the fag and says to him, "ok homo, you got 15 minutes to blow this town!" "I'll need at least two hours." -Says Schweiner. Sheriff ditfully agreed annnd was served first. Did you hear about the two homosexual judges from Schweiner family? -They kept trying each other. Bear It From Behind!!! (A happy bear or a gay gay bear is a satisfied bear) IT was a grizzly with a grizzly... There once was a hunter named Denis Schweiner who was having no luck in finding his quarry. So he waited for the mating season. So the bear's mating season came and Dennis wanted to get the full catch catch, so he loaded he lethal weapon and went on a hunting trip. As he walked thru the forest he sang: " A hunting trip we go, a hunting trip i come, doodely, doodely doo, a hunting trip I go to be a ho... " All at once, he felt a tap on his shoulder from behind. It was a huge grizzly bear. (with a much bigger weapon) Denis Schweiner's shock was increased when the bear spoke to him. "You are hunting me, I'll bet", said the bear. "You may choose your punishment. Either I will maul you to death or bang you up the ass!" Denis Schweiner didn't want to die, so he consented to give the bear the pleasure of his booty. (Which by the way belonged to Kent) The bear left satisfied and Dennis bitch Schweiner returned to his cabin. (feeling really gay, stri, stra, stro) The next day, Dennis bitch Schweiner decided to kill the bear for revenge. But, as luck would have it, the grizzly found him first. Once again, Dennis bitch Schweiner felt the tap on his shoulder and the bear made his request. Dennis bitch Schweiner dropped his pants, bent over, and took what the beast had to offer. The third day, Denis Schweiner was really irate and decided he would torture and kill that bear! Once more, though, the bear was the better man. When Schweiner felt the familiar tap on his shoulder, he expected to hear the grizzly's offer of a choice again, but this time the bear just said, "You're not really into this for the hunting anymore, are you, the mating season means something else to u?! The Magic Gay Genie Two horny guys, Dennis and Kent had been living together for a couple of years, and were getting quite bored with their lives. They were looking at little knickknacks at a garage sale, when one of them (Dennis) stumbled upon what appeared to be a rare find. When they returned to their gay shack Dennis discovered something unusual with the lamp... "Honey, come here!" he yelled. Kent came running, and Dennis continued to polish, until POOF! A huge creature appears in their living room! Both fags scream. "Do not be frightened!" The creature says. "I am the genie of the lamp, and you have freed me from 1000 years imprisonment by an evil sorceress. I will grant the two of you a total of three wishes as thanks!" The two take some time to gather themselves. They stare blankly at the genie, at each other, and at the lamp for a few minutes. Finally, Kent says, "Do we have to give all three now?" "Very well," the genie replies. "You have three days in which to ask for your wishes." With that, the genie vanished. The next day, the couple decided that they would each get one wish, and would pick the one together. They decided to first to ask for wealth. When they woke up the next day, Dennis found out that he had won $100 million in the lottery, and Kent discovered that he was a distant cousin of the Sultan of Brunei. The Sultan had just died, and left Kent $500 million. That same day Dennis asked for beauty. When they awoke the next morning (in their fabulous new Belvadere Mansion), they were both stunning. Kent was a full 6 inches taller, looked twenty-five again, but was more beautiful than he had ever been at that or any age. Dennis lost all his blemishes, 50 pounds, and looked like a cross between his old self and a GQ model. Finally, it was Kents turn. Around midnight on the third day, Dennis asked Kent what he was going to wish. But Kent had ALWAYS been finicky. It once took him five hours to decide whether to buy a pillow case in grape or aubergine. "Hurry and think of something before its too late!" Dennis said. Kent decided he needed time to think, so he went off to the veranda to ponder this important decision. Just that moment, Dennis heard a loud banging at the door. "Who is it?" he says. "Open up boy! We gone kill you!!", a southern-accented voice replies. Dennis da bitch looks through the window and sees men in white hoods on horses, burning crosses on his lawn. "Honey! Honey! COME QUICK!!!! The KKK is outside our door!" Kent runs over. "What in the world are THEY doing in Marin County-I thought this place was liberal-well, I'll call the police!" Kent says. But the phones are DEAD! The Klansmen had cut the lines! "HONEY! WISH THEY WOULD GO AWAY! USE YOU LAST WISH TO MAKE THEM GO AWAY!" Dennis screams. "I can't" he replies, as he slumps to the floor, and the Klansmen begin knocking down the door. "WHY NOT?!" Kent paused and replied, "Because I ALREADY wished that we could be hung like brothers." (Moral of the story... you can be whatever; gay and rich but will not escape the end when your candle burns out) Travel Voucher An employee of USAir with the last name of Dennis da gay boarded a US Air flight with a free travel voucher. Soon after he sat down, someone else came and claimed he had the same seat assignment, so Mr. Dennis da gay moved down do an empty seat. Soon after that the airplane began to fill up. The rule with the US Air employee vouchers is that if a paying customer needs your seat, you have to surrender it. So when the flight became completely full and still more needed to get on, a flight attendant went to the original seat of Mr. Dennis da gay and said to the the boy now sitting there, "Excuse me, are you Dennis da gay?" The boy, somewhat stunned, said, "Well, yes, as a matter of fact, yes I am!" He said, How's it going, wanna be gay too, stri, stra satro stro? The flight attendent said, "I'm sorry, but you'll have to get off the plane bitch." At this point Mr. Dennis da gay, who had been watching all of this, jumped up and said, "Excuse me, you've made a mistake - I'm Dennis da gay!" Finally, another boy jumped up and said, "Well, hell, I'm Dennis da gay too! They can't throw us all off!" (Including Dennis' Uncle Jack) EVERY Schweiner IS VERY, VERY GAY, SO WE'VE HEARD... STRI STRA STRO Dennis at a bar Dennis came into a bar one day and said to the bartender, "Give me six double vodkas." The bartender says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my younger brother 'handy andy' is very very gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my youngest brother mark is very gay too!" On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" "Yeah, my wife..." (Ex wife, Dennis is now very gay and in love with Kent) Father and Son Conversation A young Schweiner is home (homo too) on leave. He is talking to his dad about his experience at jump school while learning to be a paratrooper. "Dad" Dennis says, "on my first jump, I froze up at the door on the plane. A big sergent standing behind me told me that if I didn't jump, he was gonna cram about 12 inches of pipi up my ass." "Well did you jump?" asks his dad. "Just a little at first" answered the boy. (Dennis kept on coming back and back and back for the "jumps" from that day on) It was prrrrety cool. FERRY BOAT Two Gays (Dennis and Pete) are standing on a bridge watching ships pass by underneath them. One says to the other..."What kind of ship is that?" "Container ship." "OK, what's that one over there?" "Oil Tanker." "How about that one?" "That's a ferry boat." "Really? I knew we were strong, but I never knew we had our own NAVY!" Said denis. Why did the little Greek boy run away from home? (pete) He didn't like the way he was being reared. (Dennis) Did you hear about the homosexual electron? Went around blowing fuses. His name was denis. Did you hear about the homosexual letter? Only came in male boxes. (Denis wrote and delivered them in the rear) Have you heard about the chain accident ? Yea, Dennis overreacted when he was reared by Kent and rear ended every guy around him. What do you call 50 lesbians and 50 goverment employees in one room? 100 people that don't do Schweiners! What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools? A Schweiner-Kent partnership stand. What does Dennis and an ambulance have in common? They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo! What's the difference between a gay rodeo and a straight rodeo? At a straight rodeo everyone yells, "Ride that Schweiner sucker!" Q: Why did Schweiner get a job at the police loading dock? A: He loved taking deliveries in the rear. He was especially fond when handling the police balls. Q: Why does Schweiner make good lineman? (his steelers accepted him as waterman that sucks and lots of sucking he did do, a good job too) A: He loves penetrating Kent's defense. GAY BOYS, PROUD FATHER OF HIS GAY SON Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder and he's so successful that he gave a friend a new home - for free." The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs." The third man, not wanting to be outdone bragged, "My son is a stock broker and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio." The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?" The fourth man replied, "Well, my Schweiner is gay. I'm not totally thrilled about it, but he must be good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, two cars, and a stock portfolio." Boasted Dave. A GAY OLD Schweiner TIME, A GAY OLD TIME Five guys were in a bar. Feeling slightly sloshed, they started to argue with each other about the size of their manhood. Eventually the discussion escalated into a full-blown argument, with each man thinking his was the biggest. The bartender suggested, "Put them all on the bar table so we can compare." The drunks did just that. Shortly, a very very gay one named Schweiner Denis came in the bar, looked around, and said to the bartender, "Mama mia, whoooe, I know I'll have the whole buffet." The Elephant's Thing Used to be a man named Schweiner who owned a bar out in the middle of nowhere. Not too many people came to the bar, so he was trying to think of a good gimmick to get people to come. It so happened he was watching T.V. at the time and the parade for the circus was on. As the elephants went by he remembered reading somewhere that elephants don't laugh. He went down to the circus and inquired about buying an elephant. It just so happened that there was an elderly elephant bull that the circus was planning to retire. After agreeing on a price, the man bought the elephant. Back at the bar the man put a large jar on the bar with a sign reading: "Make the elephant laugh, $5.00 a shot, win $5,000." Well, a lot of people thought they could make the elephant laugh, and soon the jar was almost full. Then one night a man walked in and said to the bar owner, "I hear you will give any one who can make the elephant laugh $5,000." "Yeah, he's out back" After about five minutes tremendous, deep, thundering laughter could be heard coming from behind the bar. Every one in the bar raced back to see what was going on. When they got there the elephant was LAUGHING!!! The man could not believe his eyes. But, a bet was a bet after all and he paid the stranger who had made the elephant laugh. A few weeks later and the elephant was still laughing. The bar owner could not stand it any more so he put a sign on the bar reading: "Make the elephant cry, $5.00 a shot, win $5,000." Again, a lot of people tried and tried, but they could not get the elephant to stop laughing. Finally the man who had gotten the elephant to laugh in the first place walked in. Upon seeing the sign, he inquired if anybody had had any luck in stopping the elephant from laughing. Seeing as no one had, he once more went back behind the bar to see the elephant. In less than a minute a wail of grief cascaded over the bar. All the patrons ran out to see what was up. The elephant had huge tears running down its cheeks. Once again a bet was a bet and Dennis Schweiner paid the man. Before the man could leave, Dennis da bitch asked how he had gotten the elephant to laugh and then to cry. "Easy." said the man, "When I first went back there I told him my manhood was bigger than his. And now I just proved it. It seemed to me his was as "big" as yours." Upon hearing this, Dennis fainted. HOW TO IMPRESS Dennis ? Show up naked, Bring beer and a ches set (gay one too)... Dennis paying the male prostitute for her 'services' A boy and his gay date Schweiner were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and Denis Schweiner do on back roads some distance from town. Abruptly, Schweiner stopped the boy dead in his tracks. "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The boy reluctantly paid him, and they did their thing. After the obligatory cigarette, the boy sat in the driver's seat, staring out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked Denis Schweiner. "Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25." SO Schweiner asked for a double whoopee and walked happily home to Kent (Kent was angry Schweiner cheated, but they made up with lots of gay sex) Denis Schweiner came home from work one day and his wife (Kent) asked him to fix the toilet. Denis Schweiner says "who do i look like the plumber?" and never fixed it.... Denis Schweiner comes home the next day and his wife asks him to fix the garbage disposal. Denis Schweiner says "who do i look like a blad specialist?" and never fixed it.... Denis Schweiner comes home the next day and his wife asks him to fix the refrigerator. Denis Schweiner says "who do i look like the maytag repair?" and never fixed it.... Denis Schweiner comes home the next day and his wife told him she hired someone to fix the fridge, someone to fix the garbage disposal, and someone to fix the toilet. Denis Schweiner asks his wife "how much did it cost?" His wife says "i had to either bake them a cake or have sex with them." Denis Schweiner asks his wife "what kinda cake did you bake them?" the wife says "who do i look like Betty Crocker?" Dennis was angry Kent cheated. But it was coming to him... Schweiner filed for divorce on the grounds of Kent's affiliation with other gay men. Corny Corn One day, a recently married Kent Schweiner goes to the attic of his new home to put a few things in storage. While he is there, he notices a large steamer trunk sitting in the corner. When he tries to open it, he finds it is locked. Puzzled and curious, he calls his new bride(Denis) up to the attic and asks him about the trunk. Denis tells him that it is his and that it only contains some personal things. He accepts his answer and eventually forgets all about the matter. Three years later when he is cleaning out the attic, he runs across the trunk and again asks his wife what's in it. Denis again tells him that it contains only personal things, but this time he is more persistent. So Dennis sits him down and reminds him that he makes him happy when he's feeling down, that he keeps the house meticulously clean, that he cooks him fantastic meals 7 days a week, and that he gives him all the hard corn gay sex he wants, anytime he wants it. Then Dennis tells him if he is happy with all of those things, that he should forget about the trunk because Kent will not talk about it. "Fair enough," says the husband. On their 25th wedding anniversary, he pulls the trunk down the stairs, into the middle of the living room floor, and calls to his wife. "Honey," he says, "we've been married for 25 years and I think it's time we had a heart-to-heart talk. What the hell is in that trunk?" The wife immediately protests, reminding him once again about the clean house, the good food and the great sex. "I don't care," he tells his. "After 25 years we ought to be able to talk about anything. Now open this gay trunk!" So, Denis takes a key from a chain hanging around his neck and opens the trunk. Inside is three ears of corn and 25 thousand dollars in cash. "Geppers Gay Creepers" shouts the surprised husband. "What's going on Den? Where did all of these come from?" "Well, darling, precious, sugar lumps, super sweetie," replies the wife, "you said we could talk, so I'll tell you what you want to know. Over the years, I tried to stay faithful to you, but I wasn't always successful. Every time that I cheated on you, I put an ear of corn into the trunk." The husband cannot believe the shocking confession that he has just heard, but after mulling it over in his mind for a few moments he says to his wife, "All right, I admit I'm not too thrilled about this, but I did say we should be honest with each othis, and I guess I can live with three incidents of infidelity in 25 years. But where did all the money come from?" "Well," Dennis replies, "whenever the trunk got full, I sold the corn. Kent Schweiner was sad. Schweiners' Anniversary Dave Schweiner and Becky Schweiner are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Dave Schweiner says to Becky, "Becky, I was wondering - have you ever cheated on me?" Becky replies, "Oh Dave Schweiner, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..." (we know it was that zoki guy, he gave her pleasure) "Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..." "Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..." "Three? Well, when were they?" he asked. "Well, Dave Schweiner, remember when you were 45 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan so u became a deadbeat lousy cop who made Larry wait for Dennis on a scorching sun for two hours? Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?" "Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So, when was number 2," asked radiant schweiner family founder. "Well, Dave Schweiner, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?" "I can't believe it! Becky, you should do such a thing for me, to save my l ife. I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. So, all right then, when was number 3?" "Well, Dave Schweiner, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 27 votes short..?" Dennis applying for a FBI 'position' The FBI is considering three men to be hired. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately. The first man comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him: "Do you love your wife?" "Yes I do, sir." "Do you love your country?" "Yes I do, sir." "What do you love more, your wife or your country?" "My country, sir." "Okay. We brought in your wife. Take this gun and go into the next room and kill her." The man goes into the room, and all is silent for about 5 minutes. He comes back, with his tie loosened and he is all sweaty. He puts down the gun and leaves. The second guy comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him the same questions, and the responses are the same. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy puts the gun down and says: "I can't do it..." The third guy comes in, the same thing happens. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy goes into the room, and BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! This is followed by a bunch of crashing sounds that end after a few minutes. The guy comes out of the room with his tie loosened, and puts the gun on the table. The interviewer looks at him and says "What happened?!" "The gun you gave me was filled with blanks so I had to strangle Kent, he cheated with you guys!" The FBI told him he was under arrest and he had to assume the position. Dennis happily obliged and was transfered 'down under'. The Young Gay Lovers Spat During a heated spat over finances Dennis said to Kent: "Well, if you'd learn to cook and were willing to clean this place, we could fire the maid." The wife, fuming, shot back, "Oh yeah??? Well, if you'd learn how to make love, we could fire the chauffeur and the gardener." Then Dennis said: "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late." (I lost a good friend and i know now when it's too late but I had many chances... a reminder) Lost in a Supermarket Kent approached a very handsome man in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my man here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" she asks. "Because every time I talk to a a beautiful man, my Dennis appears out of nowhere." Denis, the 'parole' Officer Dennis the parole officer sub is stuck at the cop meeting, they ask him, why such a hurry ? "Can we hurry this up, said Dennis, I have to meet a new "parlor" officer. (They call him private, officer Richards) Climbing a tall Mountain Denis, the gay one loved all sorts of sports; chess, soccer, baseball, basketbal, football, cricket, etc... They kept him occupied and cleared his mind from every day problems, including the cheating going on with his husband Kent. His favorite sport was mountain climbing. He admired all the climbers and wanted to be just like his heroes. But he did not have stamina (except with Kent, tsk, tsk, if you know what it mean, where it's coming from...) and knowledge how to do it. But finally he decided he should give it a try. So he rented all the mountaineer equipment, traveled the world and tried his first mountain, mount Everest, he dropped down on the first base, then he went to South Africa, he failed there too (he had some one night stands along the way, so it was not a total loss but Kent felt Dennis was cheating, so he decided he must do something when Dennis comes back, not only to avoid loosing him, but to make his man happy), then he tried the Alps, failed again, he could not climb the mountain, then Mount McKinley, then he tried the local mountains, failed too. Frustrated he gave up the climbing and came back home to worried Kent all sad and broken down. Kent did not want to let his man down so he told denis a great surprise/secret. He said: "Dennis, you have been climbing and climbing and nothing, I had to stay home with other guys who were not good and worry about you and when you were away I had my mountain augmented big time and it's as big as a tall mountain, do you know what I mean..." Dennis thought for a moment and all of a sudden jerked in exuberance from his seat in unexplained joy, awe and shock. His face was all red and radiant from happiness, his cheeks gloated like two fresh baked buns. In astounding joy he screamed: " O yea, yea, I know what you mean" From that day on Dennis was a happy fag, his dreams of climbing a mountain came to an end, now he was able to climb the mountain without worrying he will fall of it and freeze. It was a hard mountain to climb but he did it with flying colors, the ground shook under him during a climb. He climbed that mountain whenever he wished and as much as he wished, he drove on it hard and with passage of time he acquired the skills of climbing it in any position, he climbed it not once... He became good at it, good, good, really, really good. (He also composed a song based on his achievements and accomplishments that became a worldwide smash, breaking all the records and the royalties were bountiful, not to mention all the men he meat along the way to the top, so Kent augmented the mountain again to give him more of a challenge, Dennis worked on that mountain evern harder, it was his sole mountain, he spent most of his time on it to make his climb the best and most efficient, he even broke all the world records in mountain climbing, stri, stra, stro, when the climbing was rough, he really poked it to his unique style) His nightmares of repeated failures have finally ended. He was a satisfied fag. Kent and Denis Schweiner lived happily ever after in a gay shack down by the river. (Denis also enlarged his mountain, in order to be fair to his lover and to give Kent mountain climbing prospects and opportunities) The proud citizens of Gaystan state where the schweiner fags lived were put on the map, they made the fags honorary citizens and a holiday was created. On that special day all the townfolks gathered at a special arena made just for them so they could witness Denis' great feat. It became an annual festivity and a favorite pastime. So boys and gals... You've been reading the legends of two fags. Their legened lives on and if you listen carefully you can hear Denis still climbing that mountain, climbing and climbing and climbing. No gays were hurt in these legends, except Dennis did suffer emotional losses when Kent cheated. But it was all in fun. Do not try this at home, those two are top professionals.